爱太痛
Date: 2/7/10 (Fri)
So many stuff been happening for the past few days..
everything just pullin me down..
I have no one to talk to..
I tried talkin to you, getting you to understand..
But it seems hard to get u to understand wat i wan & feel..
I really feel so suffocated and exhausted..
Really.. Please tell me what must i do in order to get you to understand?
What must I do so that you are willing to give in more to me??
Why do I feel like a bird being caged up??
I feel like I'm being leashed up and the freedom that I have is limited..
You know how much it hurts during the past few days??
Feel like finding ways to get rid of all the pain that is filling me up..
I really hate quarelling with you..
But I hate it even more when everything you only insist your way..
Is it that you find it too demanding to give in to me??
I always give in to you, why cant you do the same for me too??
Maybe wat I'm have asked is too much for you..
Sometimes, I really feel like breaking down..
I feel like giving up so as to stop my pain..
The pain that i feels inside is really so unbearable..
I have to smile infront of everyone, but yet deep down inside..
I am actually crying..
Why does everything seems so hard now??
Cant things ever return to how they were?
Like during the happier time when we are together??
Can you please tell me what must I do now??!!??
I really felt so hurt and lost..
I dun know how to carry on anymore..
Happenings
Date:27/5/2010
Day: Thursday
Recently, so much things have been happening between us..
Am i really too selfish?
I really dun like to keep having conflict with u..
It seems like every single things tt i do, u always disaprove it..
No matter wat it is, u always seems unhappy.
Mayb I am really very selfish to have caused so much unhappiness ever since u are with me..
I am really trying very hard to make u happy..
There are alot of things that u dun wan me to do..
But somtimes, i really hope tt u can give me a fair treatment too..
I know tt u dun like me to be too kind to others, especially strangers..
But I always thought that the reason that you fall in love with me is because of my kindness, etc..
But all these are also the reason that you dun like me..
Haiizz.. Sometimes, i really dont know what to do at all..
As the day passes by, you seems to have lesser things to say to me..
Most of the times when we are on phone, we are always silent..
I really wish that we can be like last time..
Always so happy and sweet together..
Now, I really feel very hurt everytime we are like this..
When you told me that you dont know how to start talkin to me, it is really hurtful..
Do we really have to come to a stand that we really stop talking to each other??
Maybe I am really selfish, to get unhappy or frustrated over small things..
I should really start to train my endurance and stop being so unreasonable..
I am the one to have causes us to become like this..
The type of relationship that we are undergoing now really hurts me sooo much..
I dun wanna cry anymore.. I dun wanna get hurt anymore..
I only wanna be HAPPY whenever i am with u..
I will do my very best to make you happy too..
I promise you that i will change, change to the type of gf that you want..
Mayb I should stop talking so much to others..
Like what is known: Silent is Golden..
Well.. That might be the best for me..
Keeping to myself and not commenting much to anything nor anybody..
Mayb this way, you might be happy..
Maybe I should keep myself at home more..
Well.. That is if I am not working everyday..
So the whole schedule for me will be: Home, MBS, Home, MBS, Home, (continue respectively)..
By sticking to this, you will be much happier with me..
Maybe I should talk less and listen to you more..
Please do not scare to talk to me anything..
You can talk to me about anything, everything..
Well.. It is better than you keeping quiet.. Really..
Yappie.. These is wat i should do from now on..
1. Talk less to others, especially strangers (GUYS..!!)
2. Reframe to myself ( And my hm only, whenever i am nt working..)
3. Listen to you more den me talking all the time..
4. Always accept what you say, with acceptance instead of 'shooting' back..
5. [ To be added if there is more to go as days goes by..]
Hope that all these doesnt cause the feelings that you have for me to change..
I hope that no matter what happen, you will still know that I LOVE YOU..@!@
Day: Thursday
Recently, so much things have been happening between us..
Am i really too selfish?
I really dun like to keep having conflict with u..
It seems like every single things tt i do, u always disaprove it..
No matter wat it is, u always seems unhappy.
Mayb I am really very selfish to have caused so much unhappiness ever since u are with me..
I am really trying very hard to make u happy..
There are alot of things that u dun wan me to do..
But somtimes, i really hope tt u can give me a fair treatment too..
I know tt u dun like me to be too kind to others, especially strangers..
But I always thought that the reason that you fall in love with me is because of my kindness, etc..
But all these are also the reason that you dun like me..
Haiizz.. Sometimes, i really dont know what to do at all..
As the day passes by, you seems to have lesser things to say to me..
Most of the times when we are on phone, we are always silent..
I really wish that we can be like last time..
Always so happy and sweet together..
Now, I really feel very hurt everytime we are like this..
When you told me that you dont know how to start talkin to me, it is really hurtful..
Do we really have to come to a stand that we really stop talking to each other??
Maybe I am really selfish, to get unhappy or frustrated over small things..
I should really start to train my endurance and stop being so unreasonable..
I am the one to have causes us to become like this..
The type of relationship that we are undergoing now really hurts me sooo much..
I dun wanna cry anymore.. I dun wanna get hurt anymore..
I only wanna be HAPPY whenever i am with u..
I will do my very best to make you happy too..
I promise you that i will change, change to the type of gf that you want..
Mayb I should stop talking so much to others..
Like what is known: Silent is Golden..
Well.. That might be the best for me..
Keeping to myself and not commenting much to anything nor anybody..
Mayb this way, you might be happy..
Maybe I should keep myself at home more..
Well.. That is if I am not working everyday..
So the whole schedule for me will be: Home, MBS, Home, MBS, Home, (continue respectively)..
By sticking to this, you will be much happier with me..
Maybe I should talk less and listen to you more..
Please do not scare to talk to me anything..
You can talk to me about anything, everything..
Well.. It is better than you keeping quiet.. Really..
Yappie.. These is wat i should do from now on..
1. Talk less to others, especially strangers (GUYS..!!)
2. Reframe to myself ( And my hm only, whenever i am nt working..)
3. Listen to you more den me talking all the time..
4. Always accept what you say, with acceptance instead of 'shooting' back..
5. [ To be added if there is more to go as days goes by..]
Hope that all these doesnt cause the feelings that you have for me to change..
I hope that no matter what happen, you will still know that I LOVE YOU..@!@
Losing the both of them
Date: 23/1/2010
Day: Saturday
On wednesday nite, i went to pasir ris park with dear..
As I look out into the endless sea, lots of things went through my mind..
As the scene of what happen for the past few days ran through my mind, tear rolled down my face..
I was thinking: During the exact day at last year, I still have 2 grandmothers around..
But just after only 1year, I've lost both of them..
I dont have them anymore.. Feeling so lost without the both of them suddenly..
Well.. Who would expect such things to happen at all.
Especially having to lose them both within a span of just less den 1 year..
One was gone on 6 Apr 2009 (Granny) while another left on 16 Jan 2010 (Grandma).
The length of time that passed was only 9mths 10days only..
Not even A year yet..
The blow that is to us.. Seems somehow unbearable at certain time of life..
Haiizz.. Sometimes really dunno wat to do at all.
MY 2nd sis had always tell us to have prepartion in our heart that one day it might just happen..
But who knows, it still hurts so much when she goes..
But at least one thing for sure is that she is relieve from all her pain..
At least she is finally reunited with grandfather after 10yrs..
Who really loose their love ones one right after another in such a short time??
The wound is not even heal when i loose my granny, then the wound is torn apart again when i lose my grandma this time..
I've not even learn to accept the fact that my granny is gone..
But now, another have left too..
All seems like a dream.. Something that doesnt seems real at all..
I think it would hurt even more for my parents..
I know how hurtful it is to lose their own mothers..
Having to go through the unbearable pain over and over again when the wound isnt heal at all..
We know that we have to come to accept the fact..
But we just pushed all the thoughts and pain aside, not wanting to think about it..
But when these thoughts and pain surface, it would only hurt us even more..
Day: Saturday
On wednesday nite, i went to pasir ris park with dear..
As I look out into the endless sea, lots of things went through my mind..
As the scene of what happen for the past few days ran through my mind, tear rolled down my face..
I was thinking: During the exact day at last year, I still have 2 grandmothers around..
But just after only 1year, I've lost both of them..
I dont have them anymore.. Feeling so lost without the both of them suddenly..
Well.. Who would expect such things to happen at all.
Especially having to lose them both within a span of just less den 1 year..
One was gone on 6 Apr 2009 (Granny) while another left on 16 Jan 2010 (Grandma).
The length of time that passed was only 9mths 10days only..
Not even A year yet..
The blow that is to us.. Seems somehow unbearable at certain time of life..
Haiizz.. Sometimes really dunno wat to do at all.
MY 2nd sis had always tell us to have prepartion in our heart that one day it might just happen..
But who knows, it still hurts so much when she goes..
But at least one thing for sure is that she is relieve from all her pain..
At least she is finally reunited with grandfather after 10yrs..
Who really loose their love ones one right after another in such a short time??
The wound is not even heal when i loose my granny, then the wound is torn apart again when i lose my grandma this time..
I've not even learn to accept the fact that my granny is gone..
But now, another have left too..
All seems like a dream.. Something that doesnt seems real at all..
I think it would hurt even more for my parents..
I know how hurtful it is to lose their own mothers..
Having to go through the unbearable pain over and over again when the wound isnt heal at all..
We know that we have to come to accept the fact..
But we just pushed all the thoughts and pain aside, not wanting to think about it..
But when these thoughts and pain surface, it would only hurt us even more..
May U rest in Peace
Date: 16/1/2010 - 20/1/2010
Day: Sat- Wed
Got a call at 1.30am from my uncle that my grandma could hold on much longer.
All of us rushed down from Pasir Ris all the way to Tuas..
At first when we reach there, i thought that grandma was still alive.
But only when I heard from my uncle that the doctor had pronounce that her heartbeat had stopped..
I didnt know what to do at all but just cried..
Although we have somewhat expected this due to her illness but still, its stil hard to let go..
I still rmb the last time when she held on to my hand when she's at the hospital.
How i wish that i can still hold on to her again..
But i know that it will be impoossible..
Something that can never be done anymore..
Whatever that happens in the past few days, it doesnt seems real at all.
Somewhat, i feels like i'm in a dream or worst, a NIGHTMARE..
I really misses her very much.. ♥♥
Day: Sat- Wed
Got a call at 1.30am from my uncle that my grandma could hold on much longer.
All of us rushed down from Pasir Ris all the way to Tuas..
At first when we reach there, i thought that grandma was still alive.
But only when I heard from my uncle that the doctor had pronounce that her heartbeat had stopped..
I didnt know what to do at all but just cried..
Although we have somewhat expected this due to her illness but still, its stil hard to let go..
I still rmb the last time when she held on to my hand when she's at the hospital.
How i wish that i can still hold on to her again..
But i know that it will be impoossible..
Something that can never be done anymore..
Whatever that happens in the past few days, it doesnt seems real at all.
Somewhat, i feels like i'm in a dream or worst, a NIGHTMARE..
I really misses her very much.. ♥♥
New Year Resolutions
Date: 8/01/2010
Day: Friday
Year 2010 is finally here..
Frankly speaking, i never thought that i'll meet him..
I always thought that after my previous relationship ended on July, i will take quite some time before getting myself ready for another relationship..
That was why i didnt expected to know him at all..
BUT, i didnt regret being with him..
He is like the first guy that i knew that really cares so much for me..
He is really very concern and caring towards my everything..
I really hope that everything will goes well..
Really wanna LAST..!!
It's also time to make my New Year Resolution..
1. To STOP spending so much money (Seriously need to save up).
2. To SAVE up alot alot of money for the TAIWAN trip.. [ Hopefully would be able to go by end of the year or early next year (: ]
3. To be continue..
ACTUALLY...
My ultimate wish is to be able to be with him, no matter through thick or thin..
I hope that our relationship will be one that is filled with laughters and smile..
I wish that every single moment will be a happy one for both me and him..
Thanks for bringing me joy and put a smile on my face..
Thanks for being that shoulder whenever I'm down..
Thanks for taking care of me in my daily life..
Thanks for COMING INTO MY LIFE..!!
I really appreciate every single things that you have done for me..
Day: Friday
Year 2010 is finally here..
Frankly speaking, i never thought that i'll meet him..
I always thought that after my previous relationship ended on July, i will take quite some time before getting myself ready for another relationship..
That was why i didnt expected to know him at all..
BUT, i didnt regret being with him..
He is like the first guy that i knew that really cares so much for me..
He is really very concern and caring towards my everything..
I really hope that everything will goes well..
Really wanna LAST..!!
It's also time to make my New Year Resolution..
1. To STOP spending so much money (Seriously need to save up).
2. To SAVE up alot alot of money for the TAIWAN trip.. [ Hopefully would be able to go by end of the year or early next year (: ]
3. To be continue..
ACTUALLY...
My ultimate wish is to be able to be with him, no matter through thick or thin..
I hope that our relationship will be one that is filled with laughters and smile..
I wish that every single moment will be a happy one for both me and him..
Thanks for bringing me joy and put a smile on my face..
Thanks for being that shoulder whenever I'm down..
Thanks for taking care of me in my daily life..
Thanks for COMING INTO MY LIFE..!!
I really appreciate every single things that you have done for me..
Missing you
Date: 29/12/2009
Day: Tuesday
For the past few days, really alot of things happen..
I got a text and call to inform me that grandma was hospitalised yst..
I was so shocked upon hearing this news..
I quickly asked daddy if he knew this at all..
Well.. I'm nt surprise when he say he didnt..
Why would I be surprised for???!!??
I've somewat expected these..
The 2nd time that grandma was hospitalised, we only new the news practically 3-4days after she's hospitalised..
I cant understand why they cant inform us asap at all..
Is it really so hard just to give us a call or text??
What the hell is handphone invented for??
What's the point of having all these technology when they cant even utilised it at all..
Must they really wait till things happen and there's no turning back before informing us?
Then if anythin happen, who can take responsible??
~sigh.. Why must they do till like this??!!??
Everytime grandma is categorised under DIL, it always worries me..
I really hope that she will be ok..
Pls let her get over it and recover soon..
I really dunno wat to do at all..
XQ always tells me to have prepartion of heart..
So that if anything really happens, i wont take it too hard..
But.. Even if this is so, I dun think I can take it too..
I really dun wanna go thru similar events again..
The last one still left a strong feelings in me..
_____________________________________
Was quite emotional just now..
I went to read XQ & LQ's blog..
As I was reading, my tears just fall continuously..
Fr the past few mths, i really thought tt i can learnt to accept this fact..
But i realise that no matter how long tt the time have past, I can nvr accept the truth at all..
Dear Granny,
I have so much that I wanna say to u..
So many place that I wanted to bring u go..
I even plan to bring u on a cruise..
Even wanna u to go oversea with us..
But I didnt even get the chance to do so yet..
I didnt even get to talk to u face to face for the last time..
I really wanna see u again..
I really wanna talk to u again..
I really wanna hold on to your hand again..
Even if its just for the one last time..
But u is no longer around anymore..
I wanna let u know tt i really love u very much..
I dun wan u to just leave us like tt..
The true is, I really MISSES u very very much...
Why do human always wait till they lost someone they love before regretting??
Why would we always be asking ourselves: " What if...", "If only..", "If I have know..." ??
But the truth is, if I've know that such things would happen so fast, I really will treasure the time that we've spent we hear..
We tend to always takes things for granted and only to regret when we lose them later..
The pain that is slowly hurting me inside..
For all of us, we are just trying to push all these to the back of our mind..
But whenever we see stuff that reminded us of ur present, the pain would just flow rapidly inside us..
I really hate myself..
Hate myself for not spending more time with her..
Hate myself for not treasuring and cherishing her when she's still around..
Hate myself for having to go through my life this way..
Granny, I really wanna see u again..
I misses u so much..
Day: Tuesday
For the past few days, really alot of things happen..
I got a text and call to inform me that grandma was hospitalised yst..
I was so shocked upon hearing this news..
I quickly asked daddy if he knew this at all..
Well.. I'm nt surprise when he say he didnt..
Why would I be surprised for???!!??
I've somewat expected these..
The 2nd time that grandma was hospitalised, we only new the news practically 3-4days after she's hospitalised..
I cant understand why they cant inform us asap at all..
Is it really so hard just to give us a call or text??
What the hell is handphone invented for??
What's the point of having all these technology when they cant even utilised it at all..
Must they really wait till things happen and there's no turning back before informing us?
Then if anythin happen, who can take responsible??
~sigh.. Why must they do till like this??!!??
Everytime grandma is categorised under DIL, it always worries me..
I really hope that she will be ok..
Pls let her get over it and recover soon..
I really dunno wat to do at all..
XQ always tells me to have prepartion of heart..
So that if anything really happens, i wont take it too hard..
But.. Even if this is so, I dun think I can take it too..
I really dun wanna go thru similar events again..
The last one still left a strong feelings in me..
_____________________________________
Was quite emotional just now..
I went to read XQ & LQ's blog..
As I was reading, my tears just fall continuously..
Fr the past few mths, i really thought tt i can learnt to accept this fact..
But i realise that no matter how long tt the time have past, I can nvr accept the truth at all..
Dear Granny,
I have so much that I wanna say to u..
So many place that I wanted to bring u go..
I even plan to bring u on a cruise..
Even wanna u to go oversea with us..
But I didnt even get the chance to do so yet..
I didnt even get to talk to u face to face for the last time..
I really wanna see u again..
I really wanna talk to u again..
I really wanna hold on to your hand again..
Even if its just for the one last time..
But u is no longer around anymore..
I wanna let u know tt i really love u very much..
I dun wan u to just leave us like tt..
The true is, I really MISSES u very very much...
Why do human always wait till they lost someone they love before regretting??
Why would we always be asking ourselves: " What if...", "If only..", "If I have know..." ??
But the truth is, if I've know that such things would happen so fast, I really will treasure the time that we've spent we hear..
We tend to always takes things for granted and only to regret when we lose them later..
The pain that is slowly hurting me inside..
For all of us, we are just trying to push all these to the back of our mind..
But whenever we see stuff that reminded us of ur present, the pain would just flow rapidly inside us..
I really hate myself..
Hate myself for not spending more time with her..
Hate myself for not treasuring and cherishing her when she's still around..
Hate myself for having to go through my life this way..
Granny, I really wanna see u again..
I misses u so much..
♥ Cherish ♥
Date: 16 Dec 2009
Day: Wed
Dear introduce me to this song..
I cant stop hearing over and over again..
Its really so nice and touching..
When I saw the video for it, tears starts to form at the brink of my eyes..
The whole meaning behind this song is really so touching..
He dont want me to keep listening to this song as he know that I'll be sad..
But I cant help but continur to listen to it over and over again..
Somehow, I fell in love with this song..
This song just brings back so many memories..
Sometimes, we only regret wen we lost something..
Why can we never treasure them before it was lost??
Are we really that naive??
Naive to believe that the person we love will always stay by our side??
最後一次
在我最後一次 閉上眼睛之前
我想對你說 我愛你
在你懷裡 捨不得放棄
心理有千萬語 還沒有說給你聽
我使勁全力 不想閉上眼睛
這次告別就不能 再相遇
不能再陪你 但不要忘記
你曾經答應我 你會好好活下去
先走了 去了好遠的地方
不能再陪你看日出 等不到天亮
所有回憶 抹去卻並不容易
生死由天決定 不要太傷心
我永遠愛你...
Day: Wed
Dear introduce me to this song..
I cant stop hearing over and over again..
Its really so nice and touching..
When I saw the video for it, tears starts to form at the brink of my eyes..
The whole meaning behind this song is really so touching..
He dont want me to keep listening to this song as he know that I'll be sad..
But I cant help but continur to listen to it over and over again..
Somehow, I fell in love with this song..
This song just brings back so many memories..
Sometimes, we only regret wen we lost something..
Why can we never treasure them before it was lost??
Are we really that naive??
Naive to believe that the person we love will always stay by our side??
最後一次
在我最後一次 閉上眼睛之前
我想對你說 我愛你
在你懷裡 捨不得放棄
心理有千萬語 還沒有說給你聽
我使勁全力 不想閉上眼睛
這次告別就不能 再相遇
不能再陪你 但不要忘記
你曾經答應我 你會好好活下去
先走了 去了好遠的地方
不能再陪你看日出 等不到天亮
所有回憶 抹去卻並不容易
生死由天決定 不要太傷心
我永遠愛你...
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