Missing you

Date: 29/12/2009
Day: Tuesday

For the past few days, really alot of things happen..
I got a text and call to inform me that grandma was hospitalised yst..
I was so shocked upon hearing this news..
I quickly asked daddy if he knew this at all..
Well.. I'm nt surprise when he say he didnt..

Why would I be surprised for???!!??
I've somewat expected these..
The 2nd time that grandma was hospitalised, we only new the news practically 3-4days after she's hospitalised..
I cant understand why they cant inform us asap at all..
Is it really so hard just to give us a call or text??
What the hell is handphone invented for??
What's the point of having all these technology when they cant even utilised it at all..
Must they really wait till things happen and there's no turning back before informing us?
Then if anythin happen, who can take responsible??
~sigh.. Why must they do till like this??!!??

Everytime grandma is categorised under DIL, it always worries me..
I really hope that she will be ok..
Pls let her get over it and recover soon..
I really dunno wat to do at all..
XQ always tells me to have prepartion of heart..
So that if anything really happens, i wont take it too hard..
But.. Even if this is so, I dun think I can take it too..
I really dun wanna go thru similar events again..
The last one still left a strong feelings in me..
_____________________________________

Was quite emotional just now..
I went to read XQ & LQ's blog..
As I was reading, my tears just fall continuously..
Fr the past few mths, i really thought tt i can learnt to accept this fact..
But i realise that no matter how long tt the time have past, I can nvr accept the truth at all..

Dear Granny,

I have so much that I wanna say to u..
So many place that I wanted to bring u go..
I even plan to bring u on a cruise..
Even wanna u to go oversea with us..
But I didnt even get the chance to do so yet..
I didnt even get to talk to u face to face for the last time..
I really wanna see u again..
I really wanna talk to u again..
I really wanna hold on to your hand again..
Even if its just for the one last time..
But u is no longer around anymore..
I wanna let u know tt i really love u very much..
I dun wan u to just leave us like tt..
The true is, I really MISSES u very very much...

Why do human always wait till they lost someone they love before regretting??
Why would we always be asking ourselves: " What if...", "If only..", "If I have know..." ??
But the truth is, if I've know that such things would happen so fast, I really will treasure the time that we've spent we hear..
We tend to always takes things for granted and only to regret when we lose them later..
The pain that is slowly hurting me inside..
For all of us, we are just trying to push all these to the back of our mind..
But whenever we see stuff that reminded us of ur present, the pain would just flow rapidly inside us..
I really hate myself..
Hate myself for not spending more time with her..
Hate myself for not treasuring and cherishing her when she's still around..
Hate myself for having to go through my life this way..

Granny, I really wanna see u again..
I misses u so much..